It has been a horticultural week in Cove, with the saving and replanting of a number of trees from the onslaught of the local councils drive for a cleaner greener granite city. It has also seen the deployment of Cove’s crack SGS team (Special Gardening Services) to a remote and isolated location in deepest, darkest Charleston.
Things came to a head towards the end of the week when local Siamese twins Fiona McHeatherson (34) and Heather McFionason (46) came to blows over the particular species of poppy found all around the Cove Area.
Fiona was adamant that the flower in question was the Eschscholzia Californica, which as we all know is the correct term for the Californian Poppy. However her sister disagreed and stated that it could only be Meconopsis Cambrica commonly known as the Welsh Poppy.
Fiona was overheard saying that her sister “Wouldn’t know a bloody leek if one slapped her in the face, never mind a Welsh Poppy” to which Heather replied that Fiona “Obviously must be California dreaming to think that the flower could be anything but a Welsh Poppy”
The taunts quickly descended into violence, but due to the nature of the twins conjoinment violence was limited to a few rabbit punches and one well placed head butt.
Things were finally calmed down when local joiner and herbalist Kevin McKevinson stepped in to point out that irrespective of the type of poppy the held no useful medicinal purpose and wouldn’t even be suitable for putting in a muffin.
When asked, local youths were quoted as saying “It wisnae us, honest!“